Penitence

The narrative flashes back to 2000. Angie has been flying back and forth between Colorado and New York, helping her mother care for her father. He is in remission and doing better, but it’s been a difficult illness. 

She arrives back in New York to find the apartment a mess and Julian passed out in a pile of work files with several liquor bottles on the table. This has been the pattern each time she leaves town, and she is sick of it. 

She is exhausted from her dual life and worries constantly about her parents. She has reconnected with a high school friend, David, who has been checking on the restaurant while she is in New York, and she is grateful for that. 

Julian is consumed by his pro-bono work, and Angie feels a growing distance between them. Angie’s father continues to improve, and she stops going home to help care for him. She and David go to Paris, and when a waiter asks them where “home” is, she realizes that for her, home has once again become Lodgepole. She says nothing, and David responds instantly with “New York.” 

Angie’s father’s cancer returns. Julian is not as sympathetic as she thinks he should be. He tells her that she cannot give up her job and her art to take care of her father, and she tells him that’s exactly what she plans to do. They argue. Diana’s death comes up, as it always does. She has dealt with her guilt; Julian has not. They have had this argument many times. 

She flies home. David picks her up at the airport. The two begin spending time together, hiking and talking about their lives. He cannot fathom living in a large city, and although she explains what she likes about it, she finds herself increasingly drawn back toward the outdoors and the mountains. Eventually, their relationship becomes physical. She continues to cheat on Julian with David whenever she’s home. 

When Julian loses an important pro bono case and drunkenly gets angry with her for not being supportive, Angie finds that she doesn’t want to be supportive. She does not want to fly home to comfort Julian. Julian has noticed how distant Angie has become and begins to wish that he could undo all their history together, starting with the joint Angie purchased on the day of Diana’s death.

Back in 2017, Julian and Martine discuss the case. Martine notes the DA’s support for gun rights and his insistence that it is people rather than guns who commit violent acts. The two go back and forth about how to proceed. They do not know if their psych evaluation will be enough to convince a jury that Nora is not mentally well. They consider arguing that Nora committed a poorly conceived mercy killing to save her brother from the mental and physical decline of Huntington’s disease. Julian considers attempting to shift the public narrative away from the case and draw attention toward a series of counter-procedural interviews for which the police had Nora, a minor without an adult present, sit. 

He talks with Mayumi, whose pregnancy is going well. He reflects briefly on the fact that they had to use a donor because his sperm were not viable, but he pushes the thought aside: He was raised by Cyrus, a man to whom he was not genetically related but whom he loved nonetheless. He also reflects on Angie’s two pregnancies: He realizes now that she cheated on him with David. She got married to David two months after their breakup and was pregnant with Nico almost instantly. Julian would never do that to Mayumi. 

Julian drives to the DA’s office and surprises him. He has a copy of the press release he claims to be giving to the media, claiming that the DA’s office botched their interview with a minor. Julian is bluffing. He knows that the DA knows that this will look bad for him and will jeopardize his standing in the upcoming election. Julian tells the DA that he will release this information unless the DA agrees to a plea deal. Angrily, the DA tells Julian that he is open to a plea. Julian feels a sense of relief. He hides his hands behind his back: Oddly, they have been shaking lately. He doesn’t understand it, but he doesn’t want the DA to think that he’s nervous. 

Angie calls Martine to tell her that her mother, Livia, has died. Julian will be home in New York with Mayumi, so he can avoid the funeral. (He would not have been welcome there anyway.) Martine, however, decides to go. At the mass with the other mourners, it strikes her that no one is left in the DeLuca family to blame Julian for Diana’s death. She should feel relief, but instead, she feels emptiness. She reflects on David, Angie, and Julian’s lives. She believes that no one is innocent or entirely good. Everyone has skeletons in their closets. Everyone nurtures secret feelings of grief and guilt. She wonders about Diana’s accident. She is sure that there are facts Julian never shared with her. She hopes that he’s been able to put his guilt to rest, but she isn’t entirely sure that he has.

Nora still struggles in detention. Most of the girls are only there until their cases are settled. She and Jacqueline are the only two long-term inmates: The other girls have come and gone. The guards do not provide them with enough sanitary pads. It’s too cold for their thin sweats. There is very little privacy. Nora finds out that Jacqueline is incarcerated because she stabbed her sexually abusive father. This strikes her as unfair. 

Julian visits, and Nora struggles to conceptualize time. When he tells her that her sentence might “only” be 20 years, that number sounds like a lifetime. Her mother visits to tell her that Livia has died. She brings a note from one of Nora’s old friends. Nora tries to respond but cannot find the words.

Now that Livia is gone, Angie reflects on her life. She remembers how depressed she was after Nora was born. Livia insisted that she get up and help her at DeLuca’s. At the time, Angie resented her mother for her lack of empathy, but now she realizes it had been exactly what she needed. 

Parenting, she thinks, is complex. She still cannot forgive Nora, but she changes her tactics during their visits. She brings paints. The two do not talk; they paint. Angie realizes that this is as therapeutic for her as it is for Nora and vows to re-incorporate painting into her life. 

She begins running again and even starts to go running and hiking with David. The two talk about Livia and Angie’s complicated relationship with her. Angie tells David that what she feels at this moment is mostly relief. Caretaking had been grueling. She is ready to move on. David brings up the DeLuca’s building. Angie owns it now, although it is leased to a brewery. Unbeknownst to David, Angie gave the brewery notice to vacate. She might sell. But now that Nora’s case could be resolved in a plea and over quickly, they might not need the money. She is contemplating opening a gallery.